The Authenticity Trap: Living It vs. Saying It
The Authenticity Trap: Living It vs. Saying It
In the transition from a mid-career professional to a true leader, many fall into the trap of adopting corporate-speak that feels safe but lacks substance. Concepts like empowerment, authenticity, and "bringing your whole self to work" are slogans rather than realities. Using these tired–and mostly insincere–slogans will mark you out as a follower, not a true leader.
Last week’s offering covered the folly of empowerment as a leadership principle.
This week’s offering is ‘The Authenticity Trap’.
Living your values matters more than announcing them. In fact, announcing them is a signal that you may NOT be living them. Authenticity is demonstrated, not declaimed. If you are your authentic self–and really who else CAN you be?–people will know it. If you find yourself or those around you talking about being authentic, that’s a red flag.
In the modern workplace, authenticity has become a performance, or worse, a slogan. We are told to be our true selves, yet the very act of announcing one’s authenticity often undermines it. Authenticity isn't a badge you wear or a disclaimer you add to your emails; it is a quality demonstrated through consistent, predictable behavior. One is easy but ineffective. The other makes you a true leader, namely someone who people want to follow.
The Paradox of Declared Authenticity
If a leader feels the need to repeatedly tell their team that they are authentic, it usually signals the opposite. They may urge you to do the same. Don’t.
Genuine authenticity is silent. It is felt in the alignment between a leader’s words and their subsequent actions. When you have to sell people on your sincerity, you are already up to no good.
If you are a parent, this advice is more often summed up in the phrase, ‘do as I say and not as I do’. The evidence of how that fails is all around us. Live a good life in front of your children and they will have a model. Be a good leader for your team and they will follow and emulate you. Be a good team member and people will want to work with you.
There is a very quick observational way to determine whether or not people are truly authentic. Have you ever worked with someone who, for example, lost their temper or was otherwise disagreeable and high-handed with peers or positional subordinates? If called on it they come up with something like ‘well, I can’t help it, this is how I am. I am passionate. I have high standards and I care…’. Keep a close eye on their behavior if you can. How do they act in meetings or other interactions with people above them in the hierarchy? Uh-huh. Thought so. They get extra hypocrite bonus points if they go out of their way to be overly praiseworthy in those instances. Another dead giveaway is when you have something they want–all of a sudden you are a rockstar, an expert, an unparalleled intellect. ‘Can I get on your calendar?’
Professionalism as a Valid Filter
There is a common misconception that being authentic means being exactly the same person in every context. Being authentic is not the same thing as lacking emotional intelligence or even basic emotional maturity, those things are problems and must be dealt with using both emotional intelligence and emotional maturity, which all worthwhile leaders possess. Being consistent in all contexts is unrealistic. People are simply not built that way. Being fully yourself in all situations is also socially tone-deaf. We are naturally, and rightly, different versions of ourselves when we are with our children, our spouses, or our colleagues. We have frank conversations with some co-workers and not with others. We even use different words.
Adapting your behavior to suit a professional environment isn't being fake; it’s being effective. A leader who understands this doesn't demand that everyone reveal their innermost thoughts. Instead, they model a version of authenticity that is rooted in professional integrity and mutual respect. Everybody knows this even in the face of today’s lamentable declarative authenticity trend. This is NOT the same as “no harm, no foul” conversations, e.g., expressing racist or sexist opinions with others who are in the same group. There is harm in that and if you find yourself in a group where demeaning stereotypes–or any stereotypes–are being bandied around, either say something or leave. You don’t have to stand up every time or declare yourself if you feel that would be detrimental to your own interests. But you certainly have a right not to listen to things you find offensive and wrong. It happens in all women groups and I’m told in all male groups as well. Neither is ok.
Demonstration Over Declaration
Consistency is Key: People trust leaders who react predictably to challenges. When your responses remain steady across different situations, your team doesn't have to waste energy guessing which version of you will show up that day.
Integrity in the Small Things: Authenticity is found in how you handle mundane tasks and private conversations, not just in high-stakes meetings. It is the quiet commitment to your word in everyday interactions that builds a lasting reputation.
Let Others Label You: If you are truly authentic, you won't need to say it—your team will say it for you. True leadership qualities are recognized by those you lead, and their organic validation is far more powerful than any self-proclaimed title.
